Strong at the Broken Places

To John for tomorrow:

     When I'm Sixty-four

When I get older losing my hair,
Many years from now,
Will you still be sending me a valentine
Birthday greetings bottle of wine?

If I'd been out till quarter to three
Would you lock the door,
Will you still need me, will you still feed me,
When I'm sixty-four?

oo oo oo oo oo oo oo oooo
You'll be older too, (ah ah ah ah ah)
And if you say the word,
I could stay with you.

I could be handy mending a fuse
When your lights have gone.
You can knit a sweater by the fireside
Sunday mornings go for a ride.

Doing the garden, digging the weeds,
Who could ask for more?
Will you still need me, will you still feed me,
When I'm sixty-four?

Every summer we can rent a cottage
In the Isle of Wight, if it's not too dear
We shall scrimp and save
Grandchildren on your knee
Vera, Chuck, and Dave

Send me a postcard, drop me a line,
Stating point of view.
Indicate precisely what you mean to say
Yours sincerely, Wasting Away.

Give me your answer, fill in a form
Mine for evermore
Will you still need me, will you still feed me,
When I'm sixty-four?

Whoo!     -The Beatles        {It was your idea, Laurie; I hope you don't mind I joined in!}

Best wishes to your wife as well!   HAPPY BIRTHDAY!  virtual chocolate cake

(I hope no one thinks it's okay to wait on medical tests or on things suggested by a physician.  It was not my intention to say that.  My intention was to say that when the same old test is ordered and I do not feel well enough to get it, it is okay for ME to postpone until I am better.  I do get the test eventually-it just takes me longer.  I just know myself well enough to know that a certain blood test is not going to have changed much by the way I feel.  I also know that environmental factors contribute to my feeling well or not in a big way and no blood test can indicate that.  I have been through this so many times, I know it by heart.  However, I always go if something new or emergent is happening.  Sorry if I sounded anti-anything.)

I hope Mark gets a wonderful and well-paying part!

To everyone:  Have a nice weekend!  Maybe have a picnic for Labor Day!  It is supposed to be nice here I heard-in the 70's!  I will be glad to see this summer end-way too hot for me!  And not much rain!

Kat

Kat, Africa, Spitball, LIfe well lived, Kathryn, and my other SATBP friends -- I am mostly back after a mostly miserable week of viral symptoms, arthritis and muscle pain, severe insomnia, etc, etc.  Most of you certainly have your own unique variety of bad weeks.  Mine was really quite bizarre.  However, after my usual IVIG infusion on Tuesday, massage on Wednesday, and an extra acupuncture treatment yesterday (Thursday) -- my usual session is scheduled every two weeks and I have one for next week -- I am better and feel coherent enough to write.  My acupuncture session was for my joints (feet, ankles, knees, hips, shoulders, scalp -- for sleep and it does help me --, and ears.  I have had to have these additional acupuncture treatments for my arthritis from time to time when my pain gets particularly bad. 

My arthritis pain really is much more tolerable this morning.

Kat and Life well lived -- I agree that each person needs to decide when they are ready to see their physician or other therapist, but I urge remembering that waiting may make it more difficult to get your symptoms under control.  I probably waited too long to get my arthritic joints treated with acupuncture which, as I wrote, usually really helps me get my pain under control -- in addition to the pain medication I take.

Kat -- I continue to appreciate your quotes very much.

Spitball -- my son Mark believes he has 2 gigs lined up, but will not stop auditioning and going to other call-backs until he has signed contracts -- he has been at this since he graduated from college in 1998 and learned the hard way (once) not to stop auditioning until his agent has negotiated the contract.  I will let you all -- those who are interested, which I really appreciate -- what he will appear in when that happens.  He has had a series of very successful auditions and call-backs recently.

I have continued editing my novel on the days I feel well enough -- very little this week.  In addition, I have written a few pages of my new short story/possible novel.  I will write more about that as it develops.

I hope you, Africa, continue to feel reasonably well, and that you, Kat, have some respite from your headaches.

Spitball -- I am ready for my 64th birthday tomorrow -- still astonished I have made it to this age.  Continue taking each day, week, month, and year as it comes.  My favorite cake is chocolate, but my weight is always a problem so I am asking my wife to bake a strawberry-rhubarb pie which I also love.  We are going out to dinner this evening -- a rare even of only every few months.

I send all of you my continuing prayers, healing energy, and empathetic thoughts and emotions.  Your friend, John.

Where have all the posters gone?  Maybe it's the back to school sales!        The kids went back on Monday here-they NEVER (til now) go back before Labor Day here!  The beach people must be upset-this is usually their last big week!

I hope everyone has a good day!  Head is going to head back to bed.  Hang in there!

"When stuck in the river, it is best to dive and swim to the bank yourself before someone drops a large stone on your chest in an attempt to hoosh you there."
Eeyore
Eeyore's Gloomy Little Instruction Book

Kat                     Earl Grey today!  Very healthy I read!

Hello!

Africa, there is one person in the psych realm who says that the "secret" to happiness is "curiosity, gratitude and meaningful relationships".  Of course there are variations on that theme.  I sometimes question whether "happiness" actually exists.  Here is one dictionary definition: "good fortune; pleasure; contentment; joy."  Something to think about.  Maybe we "psyche" ourselves out of "happiness' with the fear of never being able to achieve it!  Maybe what we seek is called something else... just food for thought and certainly not to diminish the course you are taking.  I don't think it is an absolute state by any means, however.

I am slowly reading the book about Existentialism-interesting, but not light reading.  Although I do like to philosophize, I am glad I didn't study philosophy in college!  Every day would be too much!  Winnie the Pooh has his own brand of philosophy anyway-it is not limited to historical great minds- and Pooh's head is usually filled with fluff! (and thoughts of honey!)

Life Well Lived-I have been in the place you describe.  It seems as though a Pandora's box will yet again be opened if we even get one little test.  Sometimes, I wait it out.  Sometimes it takes me twice as long as it should to go.  Sometimes I go and the findings don't change anything at all.  Sometimes I apologize to the DR. that I just couldn't make it, but I will.  In my case, waiting truly does not matter much of the time and I KNOW the times when I would be foolish to wait.  When you are ready, you will go...  I realize this way of thinking is not in the mainstream, but hey, I'm an outlier!  Disclaimer=This is not sound medical advice by any means!



Have a good day to all!  Vanilla Chai today!

Kat

Hi Everyone-

Ro, I hope you are having a nice vacation.

John- Has Mark heard any updates on auditions? What birthday cake is your favorite?

Kathie- Venting is like lifting a burden off your shoulders.

Kat- Thanks for another great quote. How is the writing (John as well)?

Life Well Lived- Everyone reacts and handles things differently.  Stress at work compounds things. Vicious circle.

Africa- The happiness course sounds interesting. Do you mind sharing the name of the group?

Ra Ra everyone!
Laurie

Dear Friends At SATBP
Kat and Kathie, thank you for the encouraging words. Kat, the quote really got me to thinking. Kathie, I understand your anxiety over insurance. My husband and I figure we will spend a thousand dollars a month for insurance and treatments. We didn't want to do this but a bad move on my part years ago have made it necessary. I am just thankful that at the moment we have the money.

My depression and anxiety are calmer today. in a happiness course I am taking, they encourage us to be our own coaches. Perhaps I will walk around the house today saying Ra Ra. Imagine taking a happiness course. Actually, I have enjoyed the course and the people I have met. The course was offered by clubhouse which is an international organization for people with mental illnesses. Have any of you heard of it ?

Thinking of all of you
Africa 

Ever had one of those days where you know you should email your doctor because the pains have spread and become worse...but you know doing so would require thinking more about that which you have only partially successfully kept locked away in some dark closet in the back corner of your mind?

That's me now.  I know my wife wants me to write the email.  I know she's frustrated by my not dealing with it.  She's justified in her frustration with me...but for some irrational reason I just plain don't want to deal.  Yes, that's the petulant side of me coming through in bright (ugly) colors.

Being stressed at work isn't helping, so I just made a deal with myself to write the email after lunch.  Am I the only one who sometimes feels pain, takes some of the best meds available (Vicodin), and then just doesn't want to deal with it because dealing with it seems like a violation of the "Life goes on" way of dealing with the pains in the first place.  Much easier (if selfish) to just treat them like an inconvenience.

Africa and Kathie:


"When you feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long in the first place."
~ Unknown

I hope you find some solace and some resolution to your struggles.

Kat


Hi, John!  Why I am here at 3 a.m., I wonder?  You are a night owl, too!     Bye...

Hi Everyone.  Africa,
I am so sorry about the pounding in your ears, and I'm praying VERY hard for it to just stop for you.  You have suffered enough.  I've had short bouts of it in the past and cannot imagine having to live with it continuously.  As for the writing, I cannot think about it lately or much of anything as my energy levels have been SO low for weeks without relief, that it is almost too much effort to get up and walk.  Going for a sleep study on September 12, but I don't expect they will find anything that can help my energy level.  If they do find anything that might be making me more tired than the CFIDS, Fibromyalgia, diabetes, asthma and scoliosis, etc., I wouldn't be able to pay for the therapy anyhow.  Medicare doesn't pay for mouth appliances, for instance: and I'm not going to be able to keep up with my 20% of all the stupid tests my doctor keeps making me go for as it is.  The weekend added a terrible bout of sciatica, less noticeable since seeing my chiropractor this morning but threatening to escalate again.   :(Now I hear that the new "Health Care" bill requires that our Medicare premiums are going up by $258 plus per year!  If that is true, I will have to discontinue most of my supplements and will likely end up bedridden at that rate.  Hate to sound so pessimistic, but when you are too tired to do anything and it gets worse by the day in spite of everything you do that used to help, the weakness can wear you down mentally as you all know.  Keep encouraging one another--I know I'm doing a lousy job of that!
Kathie

Dear Friends At Satbp
I have just discovered that northstar neuroscience a company working on a tinnitus device has shut its doors and liquidated. I had a few hopes in the company and their trails. Infact, I am quite devastated. Hope is so important in dealing with chronic illnesses. I sometimes do not know how long I can last with this thumping heart in my head but I know that I must.

Sad Today
Africa